Pain: Why We Keep It and Why We Need to Let It Go

Pain is a funny thing. We don’t want it. We don’t want to face it. But then in interactions with our Savior, we often struggle to let Him have it.

Picture Jesus standing in front of the crippled man at the pool of Bethesda, asking him if he wanted to be healed. I know what I would have said to Jesus if I was there with the disciples: “Of course he wants to be healed! What a ridiculous question!”

But Jesus understood something profoundly complex about the human soul, something we often overlook: people like to keep their pain.

So Jesus asked a question that the crippled man didn’t even know he needed to be asked,

"Do you want to be healed?” 

Of course, Jesus knew the answer. The question was meant to reveal something about the man to the man himself. The question was simple but loaded: “Do you really want to be healed? Are you ready to give up the life you’ve known for so long and step into uncharted territory? Will you trust me?” 

This question reverberates through time. The human condition, the bent of our broken hearts, is the same today as it was 2000 years ago.

God planted this story in scripture, and before our eyes today, so that He could ask us the same question that He asked the man by the pool of Bethesda: 

Do YOU want to be healed? 

And more pointedly, is there a part of us that is resisting God’s healing?

To help us answer that question, let’s look at some of the reasons people resist healing: 

1. A False Identity

When we have deep pain, especially long-held pain, we may identify so closely with it that we think it’s part of who we are. We may even believe the lie that God ordained, and even inflicted, that pain in order to make us who we are. 

When this happens, we fear that if we let go of the pain, we won’t be ourselves anymore, that others may not like the person we become, that we won’t like ourselves. We may even fear that we’ll lose our purpose, our meaning, our ministry or our understanding of God and the world. We may hear a lying voice saying, “Don’t do it! Don’t give it up! Who would you be without it?”

This false identity can also be held in place by a victim spirit, which makes us feel empowered by blaming others, avoiding personal responsibility, and feeding off the pity of others.

Simply put, human beings don’t like change. It makes us uncomfortable and we don’t want to be uncomfortable. So if we’re unsure about what’s on the other side of the pain, if we don’t know who we will be without it, we will find it difficult to give God our pain. 

What we need to remember is that our TRUE identity is in Christ and Christ alone. We are not defined by our pain. When we let go of our false identities, we can begin to live from the truth of who God intended us to be from the moment He first imagined us into existence.

2. A False Promise of Protection

Bottom line: We don’t want to be hurt again. So we wear our pain like armor. We hold onto it. We remember it. We polish it with diligence until it shines, keeping it ever before us so that we will never, ever let it happen again. This survival tactic may help us for a short time, when we’re young and/or in crisis, but in the long run we find that it brings more pain, to us and to those we love. 

Our desire to hold on to pain when faced with the offer to be healed is often fear, pride and control manifesting as self-protection. Those are BIG GUNS of the enemy through which he promises protection that is really just a prison.

To open yourself to God’s healing touch in your soul, you need to “fire” yourself from this job of self-protection and submit to God’s loving and perfect protection. That is where freedom lives.

3. Deep Mistrust of God’s Character

Submitting to God’s protection requires trust. While most of us may say we believe that God is good, when faced with the choice of truly letting go and surrendering to Him, we realize we have a twisted understanding of who He is. We realize we don’t really see Him as a perfect and loving Father. Depending on our history, upbringing, and theology, we may see him as a merciless judge, a distant or unreliable parent, a cold and harsh ruler, or even a cruel monster. Especially if we’ve had a history of abuse, neglect and abandonment, we can apply those broken traits to our mental image of our Father God, instead of seeing Him in His infinite goodness. If left unchecked, mistrust of God can lead to a life of forfeited abundance and missing the peace He offers us everyday.

Part of what Jesus is asking us is, “Will you trust me? Will you trust me with your whole life?Even the broken, ugly parts? Will you let me heal you according to who I Am? And will you follow me?” 

If we want to be healed, we have to say ‘yes.’ We have to choose to allow His light to shine on our deepest pain and address our brokenness.

But if you find yourself hesitating, remember He’s not surprised, disappointed, or angry. He already knows. He wants to heal not only your pain, but your broken ideas about Him. He wants you to know Him as He truly is - all love and goodness - and He wants to heal your relationship with Him. 

To illustrate this, here’s a story from a few weeks ago during a ministry session with a young lady: 

We had reached the part of our ministry model in which the ministry receiver asks Jesus to reveal the memory that contained the starting point of their issue, and we invite Him to reveal Himself in that memory. This young women asked Jesus what memory contained the starting point of her struggle with feeling close to Him, and He took her to the memory He wanted to heal:

She saw herself at nine years old, hurting in the wake of her parents’ crumbling marriage. As she lay crying on her bed, Jesus came into the room. He held her and let her weep and release her grief and fear to Him. She gave him her negative emotions, one by one, but struggled to give Him her pain, specifically pain in the form of anger.

When Jesus asked her again, “Will you give me your pain?” His patience and love filled the room and she relented to His soft eyes and caring touch, even though she wanted to hold on to the thing she had held tight to protect her.

As soon as she handed it to Him, the pain turned  into a beautiful white dove- this bird was hers! It was special. They watched and laughed together as it flew around the room bringing peace, joy and purity to her heart. Every moment with Jesus after that was different because she was no longer looking through her pain; she was looking through new eyes and could see more of His goodness than ever before.

This young woman entrusted her pain to Jesus, and He transformed it into new life. See, the dawn of Easter is waiting to rise in every heart. 

If we’re ever struggling to understand how God can transform pain into something beautiful, we need look no further than the risen Christ, who endured the suffering of the cross to bring new life to all creation, including every single one of us.  

So what’s your answer?

Do you want to be healed? Will you trust Him? Will you lay your pain at the foot of the cross this Easter? Today? Right now?  Will you entrust it all to Him and wait to see what He will do? 

As we write this, we are praying for you, that you will say YES! And we look forward to seeing what He will do!